The Work Begins With Us
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how quick we can be, how quick I can be to point out what someone else is doing wrong. It’s almost automatic. Someone makes a mistake, slips up, falls short, or just lives differently than I think they “should,” and suddenly I’ve got an opinion about it. Maybe I don’t say it out loud, but the judgment is there. Quiet, subtle, but real.
But here’s the uncomfortable truth I’ve had to face: I don’t even live up to my own standards.
And I don’t mean just one area of life. I’m talking about everything—moral choices, personal responsibilities, spiritual or inner-life expectations (if you’re someone who thinks about that), the way I treat people, the way I handle stress, the promises I make to myself. All of it.
When I really sit with that, it becomes pretty clear that I’m in no position to put anyone else under a microscope.
The weight of our own imperfections hits pretty hard if you can admit them. It’s easy to forget how complicated our own lives are. I know mine is. I’ve got habits I’m still trying to break, goals I haven’t reached, responsibilities I sometimes drop, and moments where I don’t act like the person I want to be. And if I’m being honest, some of those things have been on my “I’ll fix this soon” list for way too long.
But, I’ve noticed something about myself, when I’m not paying attention to my own growth, my own flaws, my own responsibilities… that’s when I’m most tempted to judge others.
So who am I to look at someone else and decide they’re doing life wrong? It’s almost ironic how we can overlook our own mess while zooming in on someone else’s. It’s like trying to clean someone else’s window while ours is covered in dust. You can’t see clearly. You can’t understand clearly. And you definitely can’t judge clearly, personally I don't believe we should be anyway.
Judging someone else comes pretty easy when your own self-reflection comes last.
It’s like judgment becomes a distraction. A way to avoid looking inward. A way to feel better about my own shortcomings by focusing on someone else’s. But the truth is, that doesn’t help anyone, not them, and definitely not me.
We’re All Imperfect, So Why Pretend Otherwise?
Nobody has their life perfectly together. Not me. Not you. Not the people we’re tempted to criticize. Everyone is carrying something: stress, regret, fear, pressure, confusion, old wounds, new struggles. Everyone is trying to figure out how to be better, even if it doesn’t look like it from the outside.
And if I’m being real, I don’t want to be judged by someone who doesn’t know my whole story. So why would I do that to someone else?
The Hard Work Starts With Ourselves
If I want to see clearly, if I want to understand people better, treat them better, and live with more compassion, then the work starts with me. I have to look at my own life honestly. I have to deal with my own flaws, my own inconsistencies, my own responsibilities. Not because I’m trying to be perfect, I can't be, but because I’m trying to be aware. And awareness changes everything.
- When I’m aware of my own imperfections, I become slower to judge.
- When I’m aware of my own struggles, I become quicker to empathize.
- When I’m aware of my own responsibilities, I stop worrying so much about how others handle theirs.
A Better Way Forward
So this is where I’m landing:
- Before I criticize someone else, I need to check myself first.
- Before I point out someone else’s flaw, I need to acknowledge my own.
- Before I assume I understand someone’s choices, I need to remember how many times I’ve made choices I’m still trying to grow from.
I’m not writing this to call anyone out. I’m writing it because I need the reminder myself. And maybe you do too. We’re all trying in our own way. We’re all learning. We’re all imperfect. And maybe the world would feel a little lighter if we focused more on improving ourselves and less on judging each other.
-- Justin Bailey
